I always thought step one of wedding planning {location + venue + date} would be the easiest part of the planning process. Why? I have no idea! After sifting through some articles and talking to brides a little further along in the process, I realized that a lot of people have a hard time with that very first step.
Suddenly you have a make a real decision on where this day will be–budget comes into play, guest count, etc. There’s an unfamiliar internal pressure to make sure your Pinterest board translates correctly and that you pick the right place; one that checks off the boxes you need, fits into your budget, and most importantly reflects your personality as a couple. Phew.
Ben and I knew pretty early on that we wanted to do a small international wedding. Traveling and exploring new cities has been a big part of our relationship from the very start. I will say that even though we were gung-ho on a destination wedding, they do have their own set of unique initial stresses and that’s what I wanted to dive into in this post! I’m going to get into a little more of our initial planning, how we choose the location we did, some roadblocks we’ve faced and the vendors we’ve locked in so far!
THE LOCATION
I thought picking a location would be way easier with a small group and an international destination, but it was definitely the opposite. Suddenly there were hundreds of cities to choose from and thousands of venues–I mean, how do you even start to narrow that down? On top of that, you have all of the logistical questions that you need to consider: Is the city easy to get to? Are there affordable flights? Direct flights? Is there a big language barrier?
After a few weeks of going and back and forth on location–city vs. country, somewhere we’ve been vs. somewhere new, Ben and I finally came to a decision. While we were initially set on getting married in the hills of Tuscany, we pivoted last minute and decided a city/urban vibe was much more “us.”
After looking around and sifting through old trip photos of cities we’ve visited and loved, we realized pretty quickly that the perfect city was—drum roll please–Amsterdam!
We visited Amsterdam in 2017 (see my review here) and had such a great time. We loved everything about it from the romantic canals, to the cobble stone streets, to the little neighborhoods bustling with quirky shops and cozy cafes. We were in constant awe of the sites we saw and of the kindness of the people we met. The city also has a very intimate and romantic tone and we knew it would be the perfect backdrop for our wedding day.
DESTINATION WEDDING STRESSES
Once we decided on Amsterdam, we hit step #2 and told our friends and family about the plan. While most people were super supportive and excited to travel, we did get a few comments about why we chose international and why we chose that city in particular. “Amsterdam? Why?” “That’s not really on anyone’s bucket list.” “Is it even legal for you to get married there?” “You know your grandparents won’t be able to join.”
Now I’m the kind of person who needs positive affirmation when I make a big life decision (except for saying yes to Ben, that one I easily made on my own š ). So yes, those comments gave me a little anxiety—I questioned right vs. wrong, asked Ben 8437543 times if he was sure Amsterdam was the right move. I definitely drove him crazy–I mean, I drove myself crazy because I knew that’s what we wanted.
What helped me the most during that time was to make a list all of the reasons as to why that destination was the right choice for us–to focus on the positive until my head and heart matched up. The list was:
- We want a small and intimate international wedding
- We want to create an experience for people–to show them a bit of a city we love and the travel bug we’ve caught
- We’re OK having smaller celebrations after with those who can’t be there
- We love the city of Amsterdam and the people
- The city itself is easy to get to–there’s direct flights from all US cities that our family and friends would be coming from
- It’s easy to navigate
- There’s a minimal language barrier
- It’s a great starting spot for those who want to continue traveling
- We already have a head start with vendors
That last bullet was of the things that really pushed Amsterdam over the edge for us. While bullets 1-8 were very true, part of the reason it felt so comfortable was because we had a bit of a head start.
VENDORS + OUR WEDDING PLANNER
When Ben and I went to Amsterdam a few years back, we did a Flytographer shoot with Silvia Falcomer (see the photos here). These are some of my favorite photos to date, so the second we thought about an international wedding, I reached out to her to see if she would want to capture it. Thankfully she did and she also had a ton of great suggestions for vendors in and around the city. At that point, something clicked and Amsterdam just felt comfortable.
As I sorted through Silvia’s suggestions and looked through her Instagram profile, I stumbled across a few tagged wedding planners.
Hmm a wedding planner. Did we need a wedding planner? There would only be around 20 people so I wasn’t sure if it was necessary, but while looking through a slew of beautiful venues and vendor creations, I suddenly felt like I wanted someone local to help bring our vision to life. Insert, House of Luce.
The second I looked at the House of Luce Instagram page my jaw dropped. I clicked over to her website and scrolled through page after page of Italian and Dutch weddings; love stories brought to life by her eye for design. I reached out to her team via email and was sent back a packet of additional love stories with images that looked and felt just as I wanted our wedding to. We scheduled a call to talk with Lucette and she presented a ton of ideas on how we could bring our vision to life in Amsterdam. She was so kind and sweet and just instantly understood the look and feel we were going for. We immediately knew she was the right person for us and just like that, we had a wedding planner!
Check out her website here—it’s seriously so dreamy š
THE DATE:
Ahh the date–our most asked question lol. While the weather in Amsterdam is slightly unpredictable year round, we figured a summer wedding would give us the best chance at a sunny day.
We were initially set on Summer 2021, but things changed so quickly when Covid-19 came into the picture. With so much uncertainty on how things would play out with the virus, economy and travel, we decided to play it safe and push the wedding date out a year. So now we’re aiming for May or early June of 2022.
While it may not seem like it, making the decision to push things back an additional year was definitely tough. While we knew it was the right move, 2+ years felt like forever away and a long time to be engaged. We also received got some feedback on our decision and, while most comments were supportive, we did get a few that were a little hard to digest. “Really–2022?” “Do you really want to put your lives on hold for an extra year?” You know you’re getting older, if you want kids you should just get married now.”
As I said above, I take comments like these to heart and rely heavily on those around me to support big decisions I make. While I was first taken aback by these comments, Ben reassured me of a few facts that we already knew: We love each other, we’re committed to one another and our lives are in no way on hold by pushing things back. This is the wedding that we want and the celebration that we’ve been dreaming of, and there’s no need to change that.
It’s been a few weeks now and we’ve officially readjusted our timeline and moved things onto the 2022 path! While the countdown clock on The Knot app of seven-hundred and something odd days until you say ‘I Do’ made me cringe at first lol I feel 100% confident in the choices we’ve made.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED SO FAR
This process is different and will continue to look different for everyone. Every couple has a unique idea of how they want this phase of life to look. For some, picking a location and venue might be easy–for others, maybe less so. Some may want a wedding within months and others may want to wait years.
At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to do it. If you want to wait a few years to save up money for a wedding you’ve been dreaming of, then wait. If you’re ready and want a big family wedding 6 months from now, then plan that big bash. If you’d rather just head on down to city hall, just the two of you, then go for it. Carrie Bradshaw did it and she looked classy af.
All versions of this chapter can and will be beautiful–it doesn’t matter how you cut it. If you’ve come up with a plan that you’re happy with and excited about, then make sure you stick to your guns, stay true to that vision and do your best to get the story you want to tell.
And that’s the update for right now! We have a location, wedding planner and time frame and we’re so excited to move forward! We should be locking in a venue later this summer so I’ll keep you updated. Until then, we can’t wait to dive into some other early aspects of planning!
