My grandma is one of my favorite people. She just gets me, that’s the only way I can really explain it. She’s been there my whole life with the best advice and the most genuine listening ear.
My parents divorced when I was 2, so every weekend they would meet at a half way mark between New York and Connecticut. On Fridays I would jump into my dad’s car and head to NY and on Sunday nights it was back to my moms.
Every weekend would inevitability come to an end with my favorite activity of the week–Sunday brunch at my grandmas. She would make my dad his favorite dish (gnocchi and sauerkraut—strange, I know lol) and me mine (chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes).
We would spend a few hours hanging out and catching up and the day would always end with my dad taking a long nap and my grandma watching me perform a one women show in her living room. These shows would include at least 30 minutes of uncoordinated tap dancing where she would laugh and shush me as I banged down on the hardwood floors of her quaint Queens apartment (I probably owe her downstairs neighbors years of apologies). After the tapping, we entered into the theatrical monologue portion where I would prance around the living room, reciting scenes I made up in my head. The women’s a saint, I tell you.
Those were some of my favorite days and they were just the start of the bond that we created. She was there for everything growing up–her and my dad would drive into town for every band concert (even though I barley played a note—RIP trumpet), every theater production, graduation, and just life events big or small.
Over the years, the tapping stopped, the monologues came to a halt (praise), but instead the silence was filled with deep conversations. My grandma is a positive force, always reminding me to live in the present and to not worry about things out of our control. Those talks ultimately helped me make some of the biggest decisions in my life like moving to Austin, stepping forward in my relationship with Ben, and taking a chance on a new job.
While a lady never reveals her age, I will say that she and Queen Elizabeth share a birth year in common. She’s seen so many changes during her lifetime from the roles women played in society, to the birth of modern day technology. She worked until she was 92 and still doesn’t look a day over 70. Praying hard for those genes!
While there are so many stories I would love for her to tell, I wanted to start with something lighthearted and fun. I turned 30 last year and got engaged shortly after, so I was interested to learn what she was doing during this same stage in life.
Things were different back then and the roles women played in the household even more so. What was her life like at 30? What was wedding planning like for her? What advice does she have for someone entering into this stage of life? My grandma lost her husband years before I was born, so I never got to meet him–but what was their relationship like? Did it draw any parallels to Ben and I?
That’s what led me to calling her last night from my little apartment balcony, cold drink in hand, waiting to find out more about what life looked like for her when she was 30. I called this segment Brunch with Bea because, well, her full name is Beatrice and because Sunday brunch with Bea was always my favorite part of the week.
What did life look like for you when you were 30?
When I was 30, my life looked very different than yours. I had been married for 7 years and lived in the apartment that I’m still in today in Queens, NY. I had two children, Jeff (my dad) and Ricky, and I spent my days caring for them when your grandfather went to work. In that day, women didn’t work once they had children, so my days all looked very similar and were very structured. I would get up, make breakfast for the kids, go out for a bit with them, do some shopping, come back and make dinner.
Your dad always wanted “fried potatoes”–so I felt like I made french fries every night for years!
You’ve always told me that 32 was your favorite age. Why?
That was the first time in my life that I just felt—settled. I was married, had two children, a home–I just knew who I was and it felt good.
How did you meet your husband, Sidney?
Similarly to how you and Ben met–at work! I was working for the City of New York at the Department of Child Welfare in the Foster Child department. Sid was on the other side of the office and worked as a Manager. Every morning I would go upstairs to the social workers and they would tell me about all about their client visits. I would take it down shorthand and then go back to my typewriter and type it all up.
Sid was a popular guy in the office and would always come over to say hello. He was a really friendly guy, but he actually kind of annoyed me! One day he invited me to have lunch with him and I went—and then we had lunch again—and again. Soon enough we started to go together and I realized that even though he annoyed me, he was really really nice 🙂
It’s just all very interesting. When I think about that time in life and having that job, I just realize that’s where I was meant to be. Without it, I would have never met him.
How did he propose?
Oh golly, I don’t even remember! It just happened, it was just something we knew was going to happen and all of a sudden he had a ring.
What was wedding planning like in the 50’s?
My mother planned the entire wedding! I didn’t want to have a big wedding—I would have liked to elope. Back then you wouldn’t live with someone until you were married and so I just wanted to get married, move-in together and start our life.
I do remember my mother taking me dress shopping on 2nd avenue for a gown, but other than that she planned everything. We were married on a Sunday at the Menorah Temple in Brooklyn and it was a very formal affair. I just had one bridesmaid–my sister–but Sid had all of his friends so it ended up being quite a large bridal party. We had a big dinner and a band–everything–and I really knew nothing about it. Just what time I had to be there!
I do remember very vividly taking a bath the night before my wedding and saying to myself, this is the last time I will ever take a bath in this house—I’m leaving, my life is starting.
What is one piece of relationship advice that you have?
Never stay angry and don’t stop talking–that’s the worst thing. If you need to get in your car and take a ride or leave the house then do it, but then come back. When you’re back, talk it out and learn to move on. The silent treatment is the worst thing you can do.
Also, have a sense of humor. I remember one time, I got so mad at Sid. We were arguing about something I can’t even remember anymore and I just started hitting his arm–not hard of course. He just started laughing and then I started laughing and we just moved on. You have to be able to move on.
Even though you weren’t very involved in wedding planning, what is one piece of wedding advice that you have after going through the process yourself and with your kids?
You do what you want to do. You know what you want; the type of memories you want to have, the photos you want to look back on.
I never wanted a big wedding, but I don’t know what would have happened if I just had just said, “You know Sid, let’s just go to city hall and get married. I never asked him.” Everything just happened so quickly! I think those around me really wanted to plan a wedding and wanted the excitement that came with it and the opportunity to bring friends and relatives together.
I love how things worked out, but I think at the end of the day, you have do what works best for you as a couple.
What was your favorite part of being married?
The friendship. I feel that outside of being my husband, Sid was my best friend and I was his. We had a big group of friends back then and on our nights out, we would meet up with them for dinner or a show. We always knew that we didn’t need the big group of friends though; we would have been happy just the two of us.
Being friends and respecting each other is just the most important thing. You’ll laugh and argue over the years and, while sex is great, there has to be more. With marriage, you of course love each other–but you have to like each other too.
And last but not least, what advice would you give to your younger self?
To try your best to forgive and forget. Negative things will happen, but you have to be able to move-on. You’re still here and you have a chance everyday to let go. It’s never too late to make a change.
And that’s Part 1 of Brunch with Bea! More to come 🙂
